we.are.KAIROS.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Here's a funny post.
I 'kapo' this from somewhere.
I supposed the person would be nice enough to share uh.
Okay, here's it.
ENJOY!

There was a church that had problems with outsiders parking in its parking lots, so they put up a sign:CHURCH CAR PARK - FOR MEMBERS ONLY Trespassers will be baptized!"

CHURCH SIGN BOARDS:
"No God - No Peace"
"Know God - Know Peace."

"Free Trip to Heaven."
"Details Inside!"

"Try our Sundays."
"They're better than Dairy Queen's"

"Searching for a new look?"
"Have your faith lifted here!"

"People are like tea bags."
"You have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are."

"Fight truth decay."
"Study the Bible daily."

"How will you spend eternity?"
"Smoking or Non-smoking?"

"Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives."

"It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin."

"Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church."
"If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns."

"If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again."

"Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon."

"This is a ch_ _ ch."
"What is missing? - (U R)"

"In the dark?"
"Follow the Son."

"Running low on faith?"
"Step in for a fill-up."

"If you can't sleep, don't count sheep."
"Talk to the Shepherd."

"Come work for the Lord."
"The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world."

An ad for one Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads,
"For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets."

When the restaurant next to another Church put out a big sign with red letters that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."

AND THE WINNER IS !!!!!!
- ON THE PASTOR'S PARKING SPOT
"PASTOR'S SPOT"
"YOU PARK, YOU PREACH"

Here's a brain teaser:how many animals did moses bring on to the ark? People who can answer this correctly first will gets a chocolate bar from me. (:

KAIROS, Friday, September 22, 2006

Monday, September 18, 2006

A young man
Was at the end of his rope,
Seeing no way out, he dropped to his knees
In prayer "Lord, I can't go on," he said.
"I have too heavy a cross to bear."
The Lord replied,
"My son,If you can't bear its weight,
Just place your cross
InsideThis room.
Then, open that other door
And pick out any cross you wish.
"The man was filled with relief and said,
"Thank you Lord," and he did
As he was told.
Upon entering the
Other room, he saw many crosses;
Some so large the tops were not visible.
Then, he spotted a tiny cross
Leaning against a far wall.
"I'd like that one, Lord," he whispered.
The Lord replied,"My son, that is the cross you just brought in."
When life's problems seem overwhelming,
It helps to look around and see
What other people are coping with.
You may consider yourself
Far more fortunate than you imagined.

KAIROS, Monday, September 18, 2006

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Rather cleverly done.
This is in two parts, the prayer (in small print) and God (in BIG print) in response.
Enjoy!!

**********

Our Father Who Art In Heaven.

God: YES?

Don't interrupt me. I'm praying.

God:BUT -- YOU CALLED ME!

Called you?
No, I didn't call you.
I'm praying.
Our Father who art in Heaven.

God:THERE -- YOU DID IT AGAIN!

Did what?

God:CALLED ME!
YOU SAID,
"OUR FATHER WHO ART IN HEAVEN"
WELL, HERE I AM.
WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?

But I didn 't mean anything by it.
I was, you know, just saying my prayers for the day.
I always say the Lord's Prayer.
It makes me feel good,
kind of like fulfilling a duty.

God:WELL, ALL RIGHT.GO ON.

Okay, Hallowed be Thy Name...

God:HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?

By what?

God:BY "HALLOWED BE THY NAME"?

It means , it means . . good grief,
I don't know what it means.
How in the world should I know?
It's just a part of the prayer.
By the way, what does it mean?

God:IT MEANS HONORED, HOLY, WONDERFUL.

Hey, that makes sense.
I never thought about what 'hallowed' meant before.
Thanks.
Thy Kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
on earth as it is in Heaven.

God:DO YOU REALLY MEAN THAT?

Sure, why not?

God:WHAT ARE YOU DOING ABOUT IT?

Doing? Why, nothing, I guess.
I just think it would be kind of neat if you got control, of everything
down here like you have up there.
We're kinda in a mess down here you know.

God:YES, I KNOW;
BUT, HAVE I GOT CONTROL OF YOU?

Well, I go to church.

God:THAT ISN'T WHAT I ASKED YOU.
WHAT ABOUT YOUR BAD TEMPER?
YOU'VE REALLY GOT A PROBLEM THERE, YOU KNOW.
AND THEN THERE'S THE WAY YOU SPEND YOUR MONEY -- ALL ON YOURSELF. AND
WHAT ABOUT THE KIND OF BOOKS YOU READ?

Now hold on just a minute!
Stop picking on me!
I'm just as good as some of the rest of those people at church!

God:EXCUSE ME.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE PRAYING
FOR MY WILL TO BE DONE.
IF THAT IS TO HAPPEN,
IT WILL HAVE TO START WITH THE ONES
WHO ARE PRAYING FOR IT.
LIKE YOU -- FOR EXAMPLE.

Oh, all right. I guess I do have some hang-ups.

God:NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT,
I COULD PROBABLY NAME SOME OTHERS.

So could I.
I haven't thought about it very much until now, but I really would like to
cut out some of those things.
I would like to, you know, be really free.

God:GOOD.
NOW WE'RE GETTING SOMEWHERE. WE'LL WORK TOGETHER -- YOU AND ME.
I'M PROUD OF YOU.

Look, Lord, if you don't mind,
I need to finish up here.
This is taking a lot longer than it usually does.
Give us this day, our daily bread.

God:YOU NEED TO CUT OUT THE BREAD.
YOU'RE OVERWEIGHT AS IT IS.

Hey, wait a minute! What is this?
Here I was doing my religious duty,
and all of a sudden you break in
and remind me of all my hang-ups.

God:PRAYING IS A DANGEROUS THING.
YOU JUST MIGHT GET WHAT YOU ASK FOR.
REMEMBER,
YOU CALLED ME -- AND HERE I AM.
IT'S TOO LATE TO STOP NOW.
KEEP PRAYING.

( . . pause . . )

God:WELL, GO ON.

I'm scared to.

God:SCARED? OF WHAT?

I know what you'll say.

God:TRY ME.

Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.

God:WHAT ABOUT ANN?

See? I knew it!
I knew you would bring her up!
Why, Lord, she's told lies about me, spread stories.
She never paid back the money she owes me.
I've sworn to get even with her!

God:BUT -- YOUR PRAYER --
WHAT ABOUT YOUR PRAYER?

I didn't -- mean it.

God:WELL, AT LEAST YOU'RE HONEST.
BUT, IT'S QUITE A LOAD CARRYING AROUND ALL THAT BITTERNESS AND
RESENTMENT, ISN'T IT?

Yes, but I'll feel better as soon as I get even with her.
Boy, have I got some plans for her.
She'll wish she had never been born.

God:NO, YOU WON'T FEEL ANY BETTER.
YOU'LL FEEL WORSE.
REVENGE ISN'T SWEET.
YOU KNOW HOW UNHAPPY YOU ARE --
WELL, I CAN CHANGE THAT.

You can? How?

God:FORGIVE ANN.
THEN, I'LL FORGIVE YOU;
AND THE HATE AND THE SIN,
IT WILL BE ANN'S PROBLEM -- NOT YOURS.
YOU WILL HAVE SETTLED THE PROBLEM
AS FAR AS YOU ARE CONCERNED.

Oh, you know, you're right.
You always are.
And more than I want revenge,
I want to be right with You . . (sigh).
All right . all right . .
I forgive her.

God:THERE NOW!
WONDERFUL!
HOW DO YOU FEEL?

Hmmmm. Well, not bad.
Not bad at all!
In fact, I feel pretty great!
You know, I don't think I'll go to bed uptight tonight.
I haven't been getting much rest, you know.

God:YEAH, I KNOW.
BUT, YOU'RE NOT THROUGH WITH YOUR PRAYER ARE YOU? GO ON.

Oh, all right.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.

God:GOOD! GOOD! I'LL DO THAT.
JUST DON'T PUT YOURSELF IN A PLACE
WHERE YOU CAN BE TEMPTED.

What do you mean by that?

God:YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

Yeah. I know.

God:OKAY.
GO AHEAD. FINISH YOUR PRAYER.

For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever.
Amen.

God:DO YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BRING ME GLORY -- WHAT WOULD REALLY MAKE ME HAPPY?

No, but I'd like to know.
I want to please you now.
I've really made a mess of things.
I want to truly follow you.
I can see now how great that would be.
So, tell me . . .
How do I make you happy?

God:YOU JUST DID.

KAIROS, Wednesday, September 06, 2006